Although I have been concerned about my financial security as a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), especially since having Nas, my second child, I read an exerpt from Leslie Bennetts' book The Feminine Mistake and it really did make me think a lot about it.
It wasn't your typical working mother vs. SAHM debate, it wasn't really a debate at all. Her viewpoint focused more on women protecting themselves after choosing to stay home and on those younger women who have yet to have children, encouraging them to, at the very least, work part-time.
Ms. Bennetts addressed issues involving the dangers of allowing your husband to provide for you and your children financially. As many of us know, half of all marriages end in divorce which would leave the SAHM high and dry should her husband see fit. We should not depend on a man to provide for us and we cannot expect the court system to see all we have contributed as wives and mothers or its worth. She suggests the idea of a woman being "kept" is old-fashioned because at any time, a man can decide to stop "keeping" you, lose his job or drop dead.
Terrifying.
With all of that said, many bring up the "half" issue as it pertains to assets upon divorce, but Bennetts wrote, "Instead of a lifetime alimony, women today are often awarded only "rehabilitative" alimony, compensation that lasts a year or two." Uh, I thought that was a done deal...we break up, I get alimony at least until I'm remarried. Sounded fair in my feeble mind. I guess I was wrong on that. So what if he decides tomorrow that this family/marriage gig is tiresome and he's ready to walk? What financial issues would you be surprised to know that would work against you and your children?
I don't know enough about the law or how it all works in a divorce in my state, but putting all of my eggs in one basket (including two growing children!) is definitely like waiting for the bottom to drop out but hoping it doesn't. Sure, things are great now, but the what-ifs abound. I suppose if I want to know all of the ins and outs of how to make sure I'm protected on my terms, I'd better read the book! If you're a SAHM or considering becoming one, maybe you should too!
1 comment:
I think it's every woman's decision to be made by herself along with her partner for the betterment of their family as to whether she works or stays at home. However, having said that.....my former brother-in-law left my sister-in-law after 26 years for something better. Now, my sis-in-law did have a college degree but hadn't used it in about 19 years, so she is now a secretary for a state office in South Carolina. If nothing else, I think a SAHM should have her own savings acconts, IRAs, and perhaps even a home-run business, i.e., Pampered Chef, Avon, Mary Kay, real estate on the side, etc., just for your own protection.
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