Gimme A Break

My best friend knows me better than most people, but although I know that it still surprises me when I tell her something and she hits the nail on the head. Recently I told her about my depression issues and how it affects me and my family and what did she have to say?

"You're too hard on yourself."

That was what "Maleda" said to me, and I've thought about it over and over since I first heard it. It's funny how when someone close to you tells you something that is full of truth it seems like a light bulb moment. Why couldn't I figure that out on my own? Why have I been beating myself up for at least six years, the time I've spent as a mother?

So what am I gonna do about it? I'm going to give myself a break. No more of the perfect anything in my life, because really, no matter how hard I try it never ends up that way. My house is never in tip-top shape, I clean the bathroom and my little potty-trainer finds a way to pee all over the floor and splash hand soap on the mirror after his sprinkling. Sometimes I don't want to play Barbies with Jay because I'd rather do something for myself, like take a long, hot bath and ya know what? That's okay. My kids won't die because I decided to take a few minutes off from full-time mom/cook/housekeeper/storyteller/nurse work to "do me".

If I don't measure up to other moms because my daughter doesn't speak fluent Spanish or know the multiplication tables like the back of her hand I'm okay with it because while other mommies are doing what they deem necessary to a child's development, my child is playing, coloring, dancing and just being a kid which I deem necessary.

And by golly, if I don't strut my stuff around the house like I walk the runway all day (waxed, coiffed, manicured, pedicured) so I can keep Babe's interest, too doggone bad. If he wasn't interested in me sporting his t-shirt, my yoga pants and a ponytail then he never would have married me...this has been my look for years! I dress up periodically, do my toes and makeup even, but it's kinda hard to scrub the hard water stains from....everything, in a pair of Manolos.

Life is short, my babies are growing up too fast and I only get a couple of hours of cuddling time with Babe after the kiddos go to bed. So why stress about what I didn't clean today, whether or not Jay is one of the top readers in her class, or what Babe thinks about the ever-growing fuzz on my legs? I am too hard on myself and from this day forward I promise to give myself a break.