Last night my darling Babe and I walked the expensive aisles of our nearby grocery store for some snacks for our Blockbuster night while the kids were with their nana. Babe decided on Funyuns and fruit punch, while I chose the huge box o' Hot Tamales I so crave. As we approached the check-out counter I spotted Janet Jackson on the cover of Us Weekly magazine and I got pissed. I mean I felt warmer, even hot, started ranting and raving about how hard it really is to lose weight and KEEP IT OFF. Which, by the way, was what the article would discuss if you chose to flip to that page.
How on earth can this newly-skinny....WOMAN claim to have lost weight and is now keeping it off in a way real, red-blooded, Hot Tamale lovin' American women could relate to? I mean, who are we kidding here? Her meals, from the time she wakes til the time she retires to bed, are delivered to her doorstep, snacks included AND all measured out for the best amounts of protein-carbs-fat. She has the freedom to workout for hours on end with a trainer, probably at her own in-home 24-hour Fitness, and has no problem replacing those size 16s with the new, svelte size 4s. Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty) can even replace her big ol' granny panties with cute little boy shorts and bikini cuts while she shops for her new bra size. And her weight-loss is supposed to inspire me?
And, I might add, I'm pretty gung-ho right now after having reached my first goal in my weight-loss efforts but really, I don't ever see myself with 6-8 pack abs or thighs that don't threaten forest fire between my legs when I walk...so no, she does NOT inspire me! After all, I need new undies after my (albeit small) weight-loss. Carrying an entire growing child inside is not conducive to the elastic waistband of any underwear, I don't care how much you paid for them! Then there are the bras...I feel like the twins are shrinking by the day and no matter how often I shop for bras, they are just shrinking TOO fast for me to keep up!
Let's talk about my summer wardrobe...or lack thereof. Nothing fits from last summer (thank God!) so I have to scavenge for capris/skirts/shirts that fit and things are not cheap!! It's a sad day when a denim skirt I love costs $38. Ya don't get a shirt, no earrings, no socks, no NOTHING with that $38 mind you. When you have two growing kids in tow, that kind of expenditure is unrealistic, at least it is for me.
Exercise? I squeeze in my 20-minute walks in the morning, sometimes I take Jay with me because she's up early enough. Later, we kick our way through Tae Bo together before we shower for bed. In between those two workouts I have NO time for anything but maintaining our house, feeding the kids and...there is no "and". So I work out for about an hour a day...typically that is! This wench (aka Ms. Jackson if you're nasty) can workout for 6-8 hours a day. Granted, there's no way on EARTH I would work out that much, a DAY, but still...her weight-loss and maintenance do not compare to the average American's woman's efforts. I don't care how sincere she sounds or tries to relate her efforts to mine!
So although I admire how fabulous Janet looks, especially after seeing the pictures of her treading across the beach in sweats (whoa!), it's not realistic for women outside of Hollywood. She's got that "You Go, girl" body that makes you want to keep eating those salads and whole grains, drinking that lemon-water, and walking those 20-minute walks. If I can get down to a size 14 doing what a poor, red-blooded American woman has to do to lose weight, I too will have a "You Go, girl" body...it'll just have to be my way!
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