Model Behavior

As I sit here eating potato chip after potato chip I am reminded by what my husband suggested a couple of nights ago as he flipped through the pages of my Figure magazine. Figure is a magazine for "plus-size" women which apparently includes any woman size 14 on up. I happen to fall into that category. As Babe looked at each woman he wondered why so many of them look alike. He also noticed there were a couple of women who have been used often in the publication.

I shrugged it off, "maybe they don't have many to choose from."

There was quiet as he looked further.

"Why don't you become a model for them?" He asked. My face suddenly felt warm, flushed. I said nothing. Inside I was doing the dance that gets Nas singing "ooh-ooh, shake 'a booty." How nice of him, I thought. But of course he'd say that, he DID marry me after all.

"I don't know how to get into that business. It looks pretty tough," I told him.

"Well you should try, you're prettier than most of the ladies," he said. My warm, flushed feeling suddenly went cold.

"Than MOST of the ladies??" I asked. Not that I think I'm IT but, who SAYS that to a woman?

"I'm trying to be nice to them," he said. Welcome back warm, "flushedness".

"Ah, I dunno. I wouldn't know where to start." And with that I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth before bed and he flipped on the basketball game.

Although I was so flattered (and flushed) by what Babe said that night, it has really stuck with me. I have thought about why it stuck over the past few days and actually wondered what it would take to get started. Then it occurred to me, If I did any kind of modeling it would be a huge esteem builder. Not only would there be people who think I'm "good enough" but I wouldn't just be Natalie, Jay and Nas' mommy. The one who stays at home all day with two kids, sees the toys all over the floor and doesn't pick them up, the one so many other women seem to wonder "what do you DO all day?" about. I'd have something for me and heck, I just might get paid a little for it!

So that's it. I guess I need some professional to tell me I'm pretty enough, tall enough, obviously big enough in the best sense of the word, to feel like I'm good enough. As if going to shoots to pretend to pick a flower or laugh at nothing so a photographer can click his camera until his heart's (and the magazine's I suppose) content will make me any cooler than I already am. Sure there'd be a salary included, the only job I do for free is take care of husband and my babies, but does getting paid make me a better Natalie than I am today? And for the women who cruelly ask me what I DO all day, will that not make their envy that much greater because not only would I raise my children (the hardest damned job known to ANY man OR WOman) and take care of home but I would also be cute as a button in magazine publications? That's a lot of envy they would have to take on! So what would even getting the ball rolling to investigate the plus-size modeling industry really do for me? Nothing I can't do for myself!

I have enough going for myself to know that I am loved by my children, adored by my husband and there's no modeling agency or photographer on earth who can make me feel better than that. But it sure sounds like fun!