So many parents want to live vicariously through their children, probably because they want what is best for their kids. Although some choose this parenting path because they figure their kids can do all they were unable to do in life. I strive to be a parent who does very little of this. My motto as of 2008 has been "Live and Let Live". This includes my children.
My daughter is very different from me. Jay is more like her father, only resembling me physically and in her motherly ways. I've always found this fascinating because I was never the outgoing, fun-loving, confident girl she is and always has been. She has learned lessons in school about the ways girls treat each other, and although it is a bumpy road, she has come out a stronger girl. When things happen to her she may have a bump or bruise but she heals from them. At her age I was more apt to have bumps and bruises but I didn't "heal" from them, I would simply cover them. I think Jay is the kind of person who will fight her way through an issue and be better because of it. Jay has the kind of personality I truly admire. I do believe it will take her a long way in life.
I could easily allow our differences to sabotage any hope of a relationship because I choose not to accept her as she is. But she is a seed growing, blossoming, and in time will bloom into the precious, beautiful flower God intended her to be. My job as her mother is to be water in her dry days, the sun that encourages her to stand tall with her petals to the heavens, fertilizer to help her grow strong, and the soil that helps keep her stable when the winds blow. I will never purposely stifle her growth.
It is not my job, as her mom, to determine what kind of flower she will be. I would love to see Jay as a professional ballet dancer with the Alvin Ailey Dance company. So what? If SHE chose to become a teacher, a doctor, a designer, or a checker at a local grocery store it would be her life to live. Even if I felt she short-changed herself, all I could do is help her when/if she needed me. Her life is not mine to live.
It IS my job to guide her, provide all that is good for her, to step in when she is in the wrong, to pray God's blessings over her, to be her cheerleader. All that is needed to become a God-fearing, upstanding asset to this world...that IS my job. When she is deciding who she will become in this lifetime, I will support her and pray for her often but the rest? The rest is up to her.
3 comments:
Amen!
Oh Nat this was just beautiful and I so needed to read this. My r'ship with my dtr is so contentious sometimes and it kills me. I'm realizing that she's a lot like her dad and she and I butt heads way too often. Thanks for the reminder that I need to let her be who she is and that I need to be okay with that.I think it's hard on us moms bc we automatically assume our girls will be like us but it is SO not the case sometimes.
A Very Very Happy New Year 2010 To You :-)
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