Today while I sat at the women's book study group I attend on Thursdays I looked around at all the new babies, those yet to be born but blossoming within their mothers' wombs and those brand new to the world. I listened as the newest baby cooed and made many natural, newborn noises and let myself dream: What if we were to have another little brown miracle?
Imagine the yummy, newborn smell as I nuzzle my face against my new baby's. Would it be a baby girl or a baby boy? I've got one of each so it wouldn't really matter much, I suppose. Remember the days of watching my newborn sleep nearby? It seemed being a new baby must be what heaven is like: everything is new, amazing, and you are pure and in the safest place there is to be. Before my babies arrived I enjoyed feeling them kick and move inside of me, it was something only my unborn child and I could experience if I didn't invite outsiders to feel it with me. Knowing, when we first met, that I was the only mommy this baby would ever have and that I was responsible for all areas of his and her little life. Folding those tiny clothes, picking out all of the new baby necessities, wondering what our newest addition would look like. What a precious, miraculous blessing a brand new baby is and would be for our family.
Then reality set in as it interrupted my thoughts like a needle suddenly scratching across a warm, fuzzy classical recording. Are you KIDDING ME my mind screamed, obviously because my heart was in a place I don't often allow it to go.
Remember pregnancy? Let's just start there. The constant nausea, vomiting, uncomfortable sleep, raging heartburn with Jay and a sincere desire to die carrying Nas...are you KIDDING ME? Remember the 9 extra days Jay decided to stay inside of your ever expanding body only to grow to a rotund 8 pounds 6 ounces? The daily crying because everyone else had birthed their babies but you were stuck still carrying yours!?
Then Nas was conceived, after a heartbreaking miscarriage, and although you begged God to allow you a son you wondered why you were being tortured with violent fits of regurgitating the NOTHING that stayed in your stomach? Morning sickness? Who coined THAT phrase? Remember all the hours Jay logged in front of Nick Jr. while you laid in a pregnancy-induced stupor just awaiting the next eruption? And the time Jay had to answer Babe's call because YOU were busy cleaning up after erupting before arriving at the porcelain bowl also known as your home?
Don't get me started. Remember the lack of sleep you endured for at least a year but especially in the first weeks when Nas came home and ate every two hours like he had a tiny alarm clock in his bassinet? What about diapers and formula? You wanna trade your Starbucks fettish and date nights for a newborn after coming along so well with your now 3-year-old son who has finally potty-trained?
And Jay? She's almost SEVEN, you do so little for her these days she's like a short roomie around the place. Don't forget teaching her numbers, the alphabet and all that homework she's had since kindergarten...she was a cinch to get through toddlerhood and preschool, Nas is a bit more challenging, it's only downhill from here girl! Snap out of it, your tubes are tied and that was done for a R-E-A-S-O-N!
So now, two hours later I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my best friend's baby girl, cuddling my newest nephew, and cheering on any and every preggo I know. Afterall it has its ups and downs but it's all so well worth it. I've got two fabulous kids in tow and with 30 a mere 7 months away, it's time for ME to do ME so my kids can see what it's like to be a very happy, content woman and mother. Cheers!
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