Becoming a mother at the ripe old age of 22 was, in hindsight, not the best time to take on the full-time, all encompassing work a child requires. But because she was growing inside me, unless God took her away from me before her birth I was going to be a mommy sometime around Valentine's Day 2001.
At 22, you're supposed to be selfish, you're supposed to stay out partying all night long only to roll out of bed around noon. At 22, your life is all about YOU and in my opinion, that's just the way it is supposed to be. You're finally out of your parents' house, typically, old enough to buy yourself a drink at a club (old enough to get a cab if you buy yourself a few more than that), old enough to vote and you can buy your own cigarettes. It is a prime time to figure out who you are and want to be while seasoning your effort with tons of fun.
I always wanted to have kids "early", as in after 20 but before 30 and here I am the mother of a 7 and 3 year old, tubes tied and looking 30 in the eye. Be careful what you wish for, but if yours is anything like my life is...it's not about you and sometimes you resent that. But after watching The Supernanny the other night I found a nugget of truth that has freed me of the 'grieving' I did over the loss of my "youth". A nugget that will benefit my babies more than I know now and will benefit me as a younger mother with many goals and plans in mind for myself.
I used to (like 2 days ago) just watch my kids play outside, have fun at Chuck E. Cheese and run around the house like banshees figuring I had provided the outlet for fun therefore granting me a much needed break. Not anymore. Yesterday we played dodge ball in the backyard and I laughed (and ran) like I haven't in far too long. Hearing my kids laugh, especially Nas, is so good for my heart, my spirit.
Now I engage in the good times with my kids because there are plenty of chances to discipline them and do homework. I want to be a "fun" parent who gets out there and lives life with her kids because we all know there will come a time when the last thing they want to do is play with their mom! We'll go to the park and shoot hoops, afterall my girlie-girl loves the challenge and even wants to play basketball with a girls' team her age! We'll jump on our bikes and ride to Wendy's for frosties. We will crank up the tunes, push back the furniture and dance like no one is watching.
We used to rock it out almost daily, what happened to me? I got lazy, I started focusing more on how demanding parenthood is and forgot the good stuff. Imagine focusing on the hard work of marriage and never enjoying the good stuff? How long could you stick with THAT set up? It wouldn't be long. So I'm ready to get in the game instead of watching from the sidelines. I just might take the kids rollerskating, and I haaaate the idea of falling. But what the heck, they're only young once and I'd better get out there now before the idea of falling is a fear of a broken hip and not just a sore bum!
Life's short, play hard...Just Do It! And do wear your Nikes, kids will have you doing far more moving than you thought you were capable of!!
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