I started a 5-day fast with my dad's church this Monday because I have been feeling a strong desire to grow closer to God. I prayed the Thursday before that God would guide me in my desire to know Him better and a day or so later my mom told me about the fast. We could choose different time frames in which to fast, so I chose the shortest as I've never done this before. My dad, especially, has done several fasts in the past years that I've been aware of and there was simply no way I was giving up food. No way. I acknowledge my obsession with food and was unwilling to "go there" until I was truly mentally ready to. Natalie, the flesh, was not ready to and never would be on her own, but with God guiding me as I'd asked Him to - I was ready.
Food is an interesting thing. At least for me it is. I've used food as a friend and comfort since I can remember, maybe as early as six years old. I was a very nervous child (and have my moments even now) and food seemed to soothe me. That hasn't changed much, but I'm now fully aware of this problem so I at least try to tame it. When I'm stressed I eat, when I'm bored I eat, when I'm happy I eat, when I'm sad I eat. I have known only one time when I walked toward the refrigerator and nearly vomited and that was when I thought my dating relationship with Babe was over. Never have I felt that way since then. Got a problem? Stuff it with food, usually sweet, salty and or carb-ladened food.
This week is slowly teaching me to do better, be better. I won't even lie and say I've been perfect because I haven't, but it's darn close. The fast has basically meant I can eat foods from the earth and I added eggs just because I don't do well without protein I need especially for working out. So potatoes, lettuce, rice, beans, fruit, veggies and lots of water have been my staples for the past 2 1/2 days. Did I mention I'm addicted to sugar and bread? Oddly this hasn't been such a problem this week, although foods from the earth have their own kind of sugar, I crave a good Reese's cup, Hot Tamales candies and butter pecan ice cream! When cravings for sugar strike, I go for apples and oranges or a nice cold fruit smoothie...it's funny how healthy replacements fill that craving just as well as the toxic foods do!
Monday was easy, the first day of most anything for me is easy. I ate well, even worked out, but I did crash come 5 p.m. I was tired, dizzy and shaky. I'm guessing it was because of the severely restricted calories I didn't take into account. I bounced back, stayed on track and hoped to feel better Tuesday. Tuesday was tough. I was starving most of the day and felt too tired to do much of anything. I didn't need a nap but I also didn't hit the gym. That was probably my worst day so far. I can do just about any diet (not that this is one) but if I'm hungry I can't focus on anything but my growling tummy.
So here I am on Day 3 and I feel great! I ate eggs and grits for breakfast, threw down an iron supplement, hit the gym even and didn't feel like I would die when I got home. Crazy. I had a banana after the gym and had a hearty (considering) lunch. No complaints today, just glad to be feeling like myself minus the crap I usually eat!
Focusing on the food is where I went wrong initially. Eating before I'm ravenous has done wonders and having everything on hand has helped me keep perspective. This isn't a weight-loss attempt, I'd rather spend 2 hours a day in the gym than starve, it's about allowing myself clarity of mind, body and spirit so I can see and hear what the Holy Spirit is and probably has been trying to convey to me. There's no magical "will-power" carrying me through and guiding me through this, I attribute it to my willingness to be open to do God's will and my desire to have a closer walk with Him. I truly believe He has and will continue to honor that.
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