Livin' my Life like it's Golden

In 2004 when I was full of the little boy we now call Nas, Jay would sing a song by Jill Scott called "Golden". She would sing it every single morning like the joy in her soul was tapped. Back then I thought the song was okay, but I really wasn't feeling Jill's overall happy in love and life vibe so I filed that CD away as one I didn't care for. At that time I wasn't very happy, struggling with depression AND the toilet bowl had become my home so listening to my baby girl sing along was about as happy as I could get.

Today I decided to play Jill's CD and you know, it wasn't half bad. It's funny how life carries you through different phases and how different things, even music, can feel totally new. I am finally, finally, living my life like it's golden because the depression is no longer with me. God saw fit to allow me to live and walk in His joy. There are days that are harder than others but in the midst of all the darkness God taught me to push through and that's what I do now, I push through. Meanwhile I am walking in the sunlight and enjoying the smell of beautiful flowers, crisp fall air and the prettiest changing colors of the leaves. No more dark, dirty pits for me, praise God.

In 2004 I wasn't living my life like it was golden, I was going through what God had for me at that time and now I look back and thank Him for bringing me out on the other side. How was life different back then? My spirit wasn't happy. It was heavy, it was anxious and I felt like I was watching life from behind foggy glasses. Like when my mom opens the dishwasher while it's still hot and her glasses fog over...yep, that's how I saw things back then. I had glimpses of happiness, or sunlight, but I wasn't living in a full-on warm glow that I am now.

Life truly is golden these days. Money is tight and life isn't perfect, but that's not what golden is all about. Golden is when you can live your life through the bad times and still know that everything will be alright. No longer in a fog the sun is brighter than ever and no money, no nothing can lift the burden of your spirit the way God can. I'm so thankful to experience golden, a lot of the time I didn't think it existed for me. I am living proof that golden is for everyone, we just have to get through a little fog to get there.