I have had an issue with my weight all of my life. Unfortunately because of this it took me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin. With so many Americans struggling with obesity I am finding it more and more annoying when I see all of these "Get Fit Quick" books that only take up space on our book shelves. It saddens me how doctors, writers, even entertainers want to "fix" us but no one seems to feel any desire to keep it real. Not one overweight person got that way because of hamburgers or potato chips or Reese's cups, food is just part of the problem - the part of the problem most of these dieting books love to address. Because if you eat carrots all day you'll be itty-bitty and being thin will fix ALL of your problems. Right.
As I look back through pictures of myself growing up, I was never chubby per se, I was just bigger than my sister and my cousins my age. Let's just say I have never worn jeans labeled with a number and the word "SLIM" next to it. Not going to happen, didn't happen as a kid, will likely never happen. Now later in life, after having Jay and finding food as a very close friend during my days of depression, I was definitely not just big - I reached a good 250 pounds. I think I weighed 254 pounds at my heaviest which happened to fall right around my wedding day. But that's a totally different blog entry.
Throughout my life I have tried a few "Get Fit Quick" tricks, from silly shakes that claimed to keep hunger at bay for hours on end, to the healthier option that is Weight Watchers, and I may have lost a few pounds using whichever scheme it might have been that day but it never fixed the problem I had. Food has always been my comfort - I was a shy kid who didn't make friends easily, heck I didn't TALK so what kind of friend would I have made?! With food I didn't have to talk and it made me feel better when I was sad, afraid, anxious, lonely, happy, you name the emotion -food helped me quiet the bad and enhance the good.
Babe and I went through a really rough patch when we were in college when we broke up a time OR FIVE. Some women would starve themselves not in any attempt to lose weight, but because that is how they react to such events. Not me. I remember standing in my parents' kitchen with the refrigerator door open looking for anything that would numb the pain, if only for the time it took to consume the food. I was that girl. Between eating and sleeping, that is how I got through the rough days.
So for someone like me is it realistic to suggest, "Just stop eating so much" when food, in a way, is like a drug for me? Yeah, tell the drug addict, "Just stop smoking crack" in that 'what's so hard about it' tone and see how far you get. It's high time we stop trying to fix people with symptomatic cures - you eat a lot, so just stop eating. WHY did I, even as a young child, decide that food was a safe place for me? I'm 31 years old and although I have my moments when I cannot stop myself from...I guess you could call it a binge, at least I'm now fully aware of what I'm doing. Only later can I look back and decipher just WHY I got to that point and how I can avoid it next time, but it's a step in the right direction.
I say all of this to enlighten those who don't have an issue with food, just to give you a glimpse into my reality as a woman who has battled weight all of her life and apparently has a dysfunctional relationship with food. If you cannot relate I am glad, but just because this is not your issue does not mean you do not have issues of another kind. We could all stand to be more sensitive to each other, so if you have never been through this don't tell someone with food/weight issues how to "fix" themselves. It does nothing but fuel the fire, for some the reaction is positive, but my guess is that for most it just forces them to the fridge. It definitely sent me to the fridge before I started making a conscious effort to be better for ME and to be better for my family.
Watching what I eat and exercising three times a week, plus God's grace and His promise that He will reward my efforts is the only "diet" I need.
2 comments:
Oh, how alike we are! I didn't realize I was an emotional eater, until I was dealing with the sickness and death of my grandma. I don't think it's helped, being aware of it. Food still makes me feel good, and I still eat it, and then feel worse, when I'm done. I haven't found another "treat" that makes me feel so good. Annoying! Thanfully, my body puts up with a certain amount and I can excersise enough to make up the rest. But heaven help me, I can't quit on my yummy food!
I didn't realize that I too am an emotional eater until I became unemployed and things started to get tough ...job search-wise and financially. When I don't get that call-back, I turn to food, mostly ice cream, to make me feel better.
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